The Silver Lining

Although your situation may seem stormy, try to find the silver lining. Here's some examples.

I have to stay in a new room, but I get to choose how to paint it! My room is yellow and has flowers. I love it, but now I can have the purple and blue room I've been dreaming of, too.

My parents are busier and don't have as much time for me, but I'm becoming more independent.

Money's tight, but I'm learning how to live on a small budget.

My parents don't help me with my homework anymore, but I've found a great help site with videos, tutorials, and practice problems.

-Sunshine

The Disease of the Dysfunctional

Families who are experiencing trouble like divorce are known as dysfunctional. Sometimes, you friends may treat you differently because of your parents' divorce. Here are some common responses of your friends' behavior:

Pity Party
They may feel bad for you because they can't understand what you are going through. When you just want to have fun like you always do, a pity party can be annoying. They are just trying to show they care, but, if you ask them, they will probably respect if you don't want to talk about it.

Are You Contagious?
Some of your friends may start to ignore or avoid you. They don't understand what you are going through and fear that it will happen to them. Just as if you had a cold they stay away. This notion is completely irrational.

Friends Forever
Your true friends will always be there for you, whether you want to talk about your problems or not. They will still be your playmate and buddy. Divorce is temporary but friends are forever.

 

Hard Facts About Parental Spyware

Although this may not be of consequence for some of us, parents may spy on us to learn about the other parent. What's even worse? Most of it is legal.

The most common spyware is on our cellphones. It is actually very simple to install and, as long as your parent is paying for the phone, they can read every text, access your call record, view what your screen shows (including facebook and email), and possibly use the microphone on your phone as a listening device.

If you think your parents might be doing this, the easiest thing to do is pop out your phone battery. It will alert them that it is out, but they can't spy unless it is in. I know for a fact that my father has spied and continues to spy on me through my cellphones. I would text my younger brother gibberish like "bologna" or "crumpet with your cup of tea" or "there's bigfoot". Every time a text went through my father's phone would do one of the notification ringtones. He would scowl at my brother and I before turning his phone to silent. This seems like an obvious violation of our privacy, but sadly, until we are 18 it is legal.

Social networking and email is another way that parents may try to spy on you. For example, my parents know my login email for facebook. They could click forgot my password and, because they know me well enough, answer my security questions. There is a trick you can use to tell if one of your parents logged into you facebook. In acount settings, go to security. You will see a list of logins as well as the location. This can be very helpful. Other than that, change your passwords often.

Most parents don't spy on us, but for those of us who are unfortunate should be prepared to take passive resistive action.

 

Popularity Contest

It's the War of the Wrapping Paper in some cases, while your parents are divorcing. Trying to impress you or win your feelings can cause your parents to shower you with presents. Dad buys you that new video game you've been wanting and your mom gets you a new bicycle. They may also do things like let you eat ice cream for breakfast or stay up past your bedtime. It all one big popularity contest. Whatever they do, try not to let material things mask the true gestures of love. When you think that your parents are trying to buy your love, ask yourself this question: if my parents weren't divorcing would my mom/dad do this? That question is usually a good indicator. Remember, nothing they buy you can ever take the place of quality time spent together. :)

 

You Matter Most

So you're at your dad's new place and you are homesick. What do you do? If you ever feel uncomfortable somewhere, just remember that, within reason, your word is law. So even if your dad wants to spend time with you, he should, within limits, respect your right as a child to love both your dad and your mom. Your feelings matter most, so don't hesitate to talk about them with your parents. If you are homesick, tell your parent. otherwise, how can they know why you're so blue. You matter the most to your parents.

 

Prying Parents

In too many cases, your parents might try to make you tell them about each other. Whether these inquiries are disguised as casual questions, shouted, or raised at a family discussion, you may not always be comfortable answering them. First, tell your parents how you feel about these questions. Hopefully, they will respect you enough to let their questions drop. If that's not the case, never answer their questions just because you are pressured. You can always just say no.

What happens when your prying parents go beyond the questions and start spying on you? In this highly technological age, it is hard to protect you privacy online and elsewhere. For example, I can personally confirm that my father read my text messages on my phone and logged into my social media accounts like facebook, email, and twitter. Hopefully, none of you out there have this issue, but if you do, here's my advice: confront them. They will either apologize and stop their snooping or deny that they spy on you. If the latter happens and they insist on acting like a little kid, turn it into a game. Rather than fret over your privacy, if you can't stop it, send yourself messages that you know will make no sense to anyone snooping. For instance, I sometimes email myself a message containing only one word, usually, "bologna" or "wow". While it doesn't stop your parent's from spying on you, it may help them realize their foolishness.

 

Find Something

My first piece of advice is to find something that no one can take away from you. This way, when things get bad or confusing, you can always depend on it. For me, that's music. I love to sing and no one can take that away from me. So on nights going between my dad's and mom's while my dad drives angrily, I sing the whole ride home. Even when my dad would turn off the radio, he couldn't stop me from singing. So I encourage you to find something you love to do that you can hold on to. Maybe you like to write plays or stories, or maybe you just like to dance. Whatever your passion may be, hold on to it.