So Whose Fault Is It, Anyway?

No one takes all of the blame in any divorce. In general any blame should be split equally among your parents. You are not the cause of your parent's divorce just as you are not the one divorcing. It is your parent's fault just as they are the ones divorcing.

Where Did You Go?

Mom and Dad have always been there for you, so why have they stopped talking to you?

Sometimes our parents may seem to forget about us. They don't call you to say good night or miss your big play. This ignorance is the way they are dealing with the divorce, but that doesn't make it right. Try to keep or regain your relationship with your parents. No matter what they do, they are your parents. In my parents' divorce, I went months without seeing or hearing from my father. I called and texted, but he never said anything. He said he wouldn't see us.

So what should you do if one of your parents acts like this?
Tell them how it makes you feel. In the meantime, don't let it get you down.

Are We There Yet?

"Things will get better soon."

"Once the divorce is over things will be okay."

So how soon is soon?
My parents are still divorcing and have been at it for over a year and a half. At the beginning, I thought it would be over in a few months, but it has dragged on. So, whether your parents' divorce is short or long, here's some tips to help on the way:

1. Keep looking towards the light at the end of the tunnel.
It can't go on forever. Just remember that their divorce will be over eventually.

2. Don't be afraid to tell others your feelings.
Divorce may seem like a lonely place to be, but, believe it or not, divorce is quite common. Talk about how it makes you feel if it helps.

3. Don't think about how long your parents have been divorcing.
Instead, think of how much closer the end is.

4. Your life is not divided into before and after.
Sometimes, it's easy for us to use statements like:
"Before the divorce..."
"Ever since the divorce started..."
Just have a positive attitude, this is life, not before and after.



These are just four tips to pass the time. I didn't want to be repetitive, but you'll find that many of my other posts will help with this, too.

 

We Have Rights Too

I found a wonderful Children's Bill of Rights for Divorce. It's a great guide to how your parent's should respect you:

Every child whose parents divorce has:

1. The right to love and be loved by both of your parents without feeling guilt or disapproval.
2. The right to be protected from your parents' anger with each other.
3. The right to be kept out of the middle of your parents' conflict, including the right not to pick sides, carry messages, or hear complaints about the other parent.
4. The right not to have to choose one of your parents over the other.
5. The right not to have to be responsible for the burden of either of your parents' emotional problems.
6. The right to know well in advance about important changes that will affect your life; for example, when one of your parents is going to move or get remarried.
7. The right to reasonable financial support during your childhood and through your college years.
8. The right to have feelings, to express your feelings, and to have both parents listen to how you feel.
9. The right to have a life that is a close as possible to what it would have been if your parents stayed together.
10. The right to be a kid.

Here's where I found it: http://www.emeryondivorce.com/childrens_bill_of_rights_in_divorce.php